This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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