He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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