Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
