Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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