I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
