I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
