Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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