Your face is a jimmy john
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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