i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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