Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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