Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
