the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
