a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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