I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
