Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
