Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
