Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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