Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
