'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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