he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
