I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
