My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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