Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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