When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
