every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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