I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
