how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
