i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
