I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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