I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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