yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
