This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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