so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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