Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
