You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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