I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
