Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
