I'm so fucking centered right now
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
