There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
