wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
