plz talk dirty to me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
