so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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