So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
