remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
