they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
