a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
