I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
