then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
