Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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