I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
