...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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