like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
