I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
