Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
