38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
