Whod you bang
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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