cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
